dreams, or "i have a feeling there's something wrong with me"

What exactly is the point of waking up to find that you have just been dreaming about a subject you swore you would not think of again? How do you move on with life if your subconsciousness continually reminds you of what you are missing out on, even if that something is absolutely out of your reach? Why do we insist on revisiting that which should be left alone?

An inherent desire to cause ourselves suffering?

Is it really the thrill of the chase if the chase has long ended?

All my mind needed was a simple, offhand reminder, and I feel like my morning has taken me back in time to when the wounds were fresh. One step forward, two steps back, as they say. Back to playing Copeland on repeat, and staring at the wall.

a post about nothing

As I start writing this post, I acknowledge that I have no purpose behind writing it other than the act of producing words and tying them into sentences. There is no hidden meaning, and I am in no mood in particular to be ranting on about anything of substance. This post exists for the sake of existing, with no sub-plots or witticisms.

Typing for the hell of it-- it's quite a concept. For once, I have nothing on my mind, and there is almost a peaceful calm inside my head.

Almost.

Perhaps I am simply exhausted of running in circles within my own head, but the feeling is not unlike taking a breather and sitting the next few plays out. Let someone else do all the work, while I take a well-earned rest. How I earned it, I have not the faintest idea, but a break from the action appears warranted.

Just a moment of nothing. A chance to just leave it all alone-- to stop and take a look around and appreciate the scenery. Apparently there is quite a bit there to appreciate.

Who knew?

"predictable" sums it up

Having bored myself senseless, I start flipping through my old facebook photos. After a while, I come across a picture that had been commented on by 'the girl' of past lamentation and despair. She has since un-friended me and we have not been in touch for months, with a feeling of aggrieved rejection lingering in the back of my mind.

Rather than leave the picture alone, I decide to run a little test. I have had no contact with her as of recently, and there has been no attempt to meet for coffee ever since attempt #5 ended with a last second plan change on her part. At that point, I stopped replying to her messages. Today, I needed to see if she was still trying to feign interest.

I leave a comment on the picture after hers, completely unrelated to anything she had said. The beauty of facebook is that it sends a notification about subsequent comments to anyone that had ever left a note on a picture.

I tip the first domino, the rest come tumbling down:

She gets notice in her inbox.
Five minutes later, I receive a friend request.

Cue Copeland's "You Have My Attention".
Come back to senses.
Switch to "Cute Without the 'E'".

That's better.

a post.

They say, “be careful what you wish for,” but screw them. “Careful” never got them anywhere. Life is about taking the risks that you shouldn't, so that you can find that which you deserve. Just as one's destiny isn't sitting, waiting for him or her around the corner, even trivial effects-- those which truly matter and make life worth living-- will not come around to sit on your shoulder just because you think of them and believe you're due your turn. Dreams do come true, but only for those who choose to pursue them, all caution aside. Any financial guru can tell you that a high risk comes with the possibility of the highest reward. What, then, is the point of settling for anything less?

Take your chances, and be rewarded. If you fail, the principle of living in a world of forgiveness and second chances has your back. If you fail so badly that you want to just give up, you clearly missed the point.

To fail is to live. To achieve is to love every moment and be loved by those who matter. To try at a second chance is to acknowledge that you need to truly live to find love.

Nothing second-rate. Nothing you never wanted. Just “now” and a world of “wishes”. Don't be careful, because even if it pays off, you will know there is something better.

once again, the picture says it all

bar tricks

Another epic success, having walked up to the bar with a girl I had just met. She tells me that she knows the bartender. I decide to play the no-nonsense card.

Girl: so what are you drinking?
Me: I'll decide once I find out what the cheapest drink here is.
Girl: oh... well you can ask.
Me: you better find out for me.

The girl asks the bartender and finds out that PBR is the cheapest money can buy.

Me: what are you drinking?
Girl: [to the bartender, who is paying attention] a greyhound. [to me] Have you ever had one-- they're amazing.
Me: of course I have. [to the bartender] I will have that too.

Bartender goes over to make the drinks. Girl has shown her cards-- she has not reached for a means of payment.

Me: you know I'm not paying for your drink right?
Girl: oh... yeah, of course. [reaches for her purse]
Me: you should probably get mine too.
Girl: ok!
Me: [grinning and high fiving myself mentally on a mission accomplished.]

this sums it up