an exercise in music

step 1: get your playlist together, put it on random, and play
step 2: pick your favorite lines from the first 10 songs that play
step 3: post and let everyone you know guess what song the lines come from
step 4: cross out the songs when someone guesses correctly

1. The things we did the things you hide / For the record it's between you and I
2. And the power's out in the heart of man / Take it from your heart, put in your hand
3. But first I need your hand / So forever can begin
4. But don't answer life / In a bullet proof vest / With the windows all closed
5. Nothing's the same when you give it away / no its not what it seems / it's just what you think it is
6. Take what you need while there's time / The city will be earth in a short while / If I'm not mistaken, it's been in flames / You and I will escape to the seaside
7. It's what I want /that's easy /It's getting it / That's complicated
8. I want to have the same last dream again / The one where I wake up and im alive / Just as the / four walls closed me within / My eyes are opened up with pure sunlight
9. She acts like summer and walks like rain / Reminds me that there's time to change, hey, hey
10. Keep your head above the water / but don't forget to breathe.

Not expecting anyone to be guessing these but sometimes I need a reminder of how much I love the music that I have accumulated over the years.

dreams, or "i have a feeling there's something wrong with me"

What exactly is the point of waking up to find that you have just been dreaming about a subject you swore you would not think of again? How do you move on with life if your subconsciousness continually reminds you of what you are missing out on, even if that something is absolutely out of your reach? Why do we insist on revisiting that which should be left alone?

An inherent desire to cause ourselves suffering?

Is it really the thrill of the chase if the chase has long ended?

All my mind needed was a simple, offhand reminder, and I feel like my morning has taken me back in time to when the wounds were fresh. One step forward, two steps back, as they say. Back to playing Copeland on repeat, and staring at the wall.

a post about nothing

As I start writing this post, I acknowledge that I have no purpose behind writing it other than the act of producing words and tying them into sentences. There is no hidden meaning, and I am in no mood in particular to be ranting on about anything of substance. This post exists for the sake of existing, with no sub-plots or witticisms.

Typing for the hell of it-- it's quite a concept. For once, I have nothing on my mind, and there is almost a peaceful calm inside my head.

Almost.

Perhaps I am simply exhausted of running in circles within my own head, but the feeling is not unlike taking a breather and sitting the next few plays out. Let someone else do all the work, while I take a well-earned rest. How I earned it, I have not the faintest idea, but a break from the action appears warranted.

Just a moment of nothing. A chance to just leave it all alone-- to stop and take a look around and appreciate the scenery. Apparently there is quite a bit there to appreciate.

Who knew?

"predictable" sums it up

Having bored myself senseless, I start flipping through my old facebook photos. After a while, I come across a picture that had been commented on by 'the girl' of past lamentation and despair. She has since un-friended me and we have not been in touch for months, with a feeling of aggrieved rejection lingering in the back of my mind.

Rather than leave the picture alone, I decide to run a little test. I have had no contact with her as of recently, and there has been no attempt to meet for coffee ever since attempt #5 ended with a last second plan change on her part. At that point, I stopped replying to her messages. Today, I needed to see if she was still trying to feign interest.

I leave a comment on the picture after hers, completely unrelated to anything she had said. The beauty of facebook is that it sends a notification about subsequent comments to anyone that had ever left a note on a picture.

I tip the first domino, the rest come tumbling down:

She gets notice in her inbox.
Five minutes later, I receive a friend request.

Cue Copeland's "You Have My Attention".
Come back to senses.
Switch to "Cute Without the 'E'".

That's better.

a post.

They say, “be careful what you wish for,” but screw them. “Careful” never got them anywhere. Life is about taking the risks that you shouldn't, so that you can find that which you deserve. Just as one's destiny isn't sitting, waiting for him or her around the corner, even trivial effects-- those which truly matter and make life worth living-- will not come around to sit on your shoulder just because you think of them and believe you're due your turn. Dreams do come true, but only for those who choose to pursue them, all caution aside. Any financial guru can tell you that a high risk comes with the possibility of the highest reward. What, then, is the point of settling for anything less?

Take your chances, and be rewarded. If you fail, the principle of living in a world of forgiveness and second chances has your back. If you fail so badly that you want to just give up, you clearly missed the point.

To fail is to live. To achieve is to love every moment and be loved by those who matter. To try at a second chance is to acknowledge that you need to truly live to find love.

Nothing second-rate. Nothing you never wanted. Just “now” and a world of “wishes”. Don't be careful, because even if it pays off, you will know there is something better.

once again, the picture says it all

bar tricks

Another epic success, having walked up to the bar with a girl I had just met. She tells me that she knows the bartender. I decide to play the no-nonsense card.

Girl: so what are you drinking?
Me: I'll decide once I find out what the cheapest drink here is.
Girl: oh... well you can ask.
Me: you better find out for me.

The girl asks the bartender and finds out that PBR is the cheapest money can buy.

Me: what are you drinking?
Girl: [to the bartender, who is paying attention] a greyhound. [to me] Have you ever had one-- they're amazing.
Me: of course I have. [to the bartender] I will have that too.

Bartender goes over to make the drinks. Girl has shown her cards-- she has not reached for a means of payment.

Me: you know I'm not paying for your drink right?
Girl: oh... yeah, of course. [reaches for her purse]
Me: you should probably get mine too.
Girl: ok!
Me: [grinning and high fiving myself mentally on a mission accomplished.]

this sums it up

buying flowers...

Having purchased a small bouquet of flowers for my good friend whose father had just passed away, I walk out of Albertson's. My exit happens to line up with that of an attractive 40-something woman in a fuzzy looking sweatsuit. She is very tan and looks like a housewife might look in a well-off suburb. Coincidentally, I am in West Linn and note that she probably is. I give her a nod as we both walk out the door. She initiates conversation as she eyes my bouquet:

Woman: So... what'd you do?
Me: Um... death in the family.
Woman: oh my god I'm so sorry!!
Me: No worries. It's not my family.
Woman: Oh good! Here I am giving you a hard time, thinking you'd done something bad...
Me: I didn't say I haven't. But that's a different story.

I walk away toward my car as she starts toward hers. She turns back and smirks. I keep walking with a big grin on my face.

Sometimes I love the suburbs.

bored... again

In an effort to try and energize my evening, I ended up finding some new music to listen to. Some is good, some isn't, but Mumford & Sons is a definite highlight of the batch... too bad I just missed them in concert a few weeks ago. The new Foals album is so-so from a first listen, which is unfortunate considering my enthusiasm for its release. Can't win them all I suppose.

Tonight consisted of staring at music blogs and watching part of The Pick of Destiny-- this helped to quell the dullness. I didn't work out today to try and avoid further leg injury... I fear those 5-6 minute miles at the end of my runs might begin to take their toll. Tomorrow morning I'm throwing caution to the wind and hitting up the gym extreme-like. If the endorphins don't get me out of this stupor I don't know what will.

Yadda yadda.

Nothing is happening over here. I've been back from SLC for all of a week and I'm starting to get bored out of my mind.

Tomorrow's a new day to head out on a quest for laughs and adventure. Life's too short to sit and wait.

The 28th floor of my office building and a flash drive exchange are on my mind. If you know what I'm going on about, this is a call to arms.

on boredom, falling, and a lack of sleep

Having initially, falsely, thought that I was near another moment of self-destruction, I came to my senses. Call it a revelation. I do not lack a desire to enjoy the life I lead. Nor do I want to turn this train to a set of different tracks. That isn't the problem. Instead, I feel like I have been walking on the wrong side of the aforementioned tracks.

Funny what being on the road for three weeks can do. Apparently you learn more about living and what you truly need by sitting in a hotel room by yourself, unable to sleep. My job had given me nothing new to think about, and the fact that my heart wouldn't slow down long enough to catch a sleep break was by no means due to any real life antics. I know you, the reader, might be amazed by this, but this scenario owed nothing to the thrills (particularly the lack thereof) that only Salt Lake City can provide.

The last few weeks have taught me several things. A late night talk with one of my most trusted friends taught me that no one is ever sure about exactly what they want in life. Waking up the next morning, feeling exhausted from walking around downtown post a night of random bar hopping (including a round at a divy biker bar on the east side), I came to a realization: if I can't be sure about what I want, I'm sure as hell going to enjoy every day. I was literally bored out of my mind, and I was sick of it.

I took the next day by the balls. I handed my fate into the hands of another person as I plummeted to the ground from 13000 feet in the air. I drove around suburban Portland at breakneck speeds. I went out and I truly lived. And, dammit, it felt good.

Lack of sleep or not, I think I am finally waking up.

turn around bright eyes

Having resolved the sleeping issue by exercising to the point of total exhaustion and eating myself into a food coma, I feel energized to get something important accomplished. Unfortunately, I have run fresh out of ideas, and the smartest things that come to mind range on a wide spectrum, starting at "dimwitted" and going as far as "unfortunate".

Considering my state of mind, and the appearance of pursuits that belong smack dab in the middle of the aforementioned spectrum, I feel a storm brewing.

The computer battery is about to give up. As should I, before I write something along the lines of a Dashboard song. Goodnight.

:P

Something about the road and intentions...

Try as I may, there are things in life that are and will forever be inevitable. I would compile a full list but I have neither the time nor the desire to bore this blog's two readers. As you are one of them, "you're welcome."

The phenomenon I allude to is the fact that there are patterns I seem to fall into on a persistent basis. Call it a self-destruct button with both an auto timer and a trip sensor, with both having been triggered this weekend. Perhaps the time had simply come for me to enter the next chapter of doubt and disillusionment. Maybe I simply can't depart from my house farther than than 200 miles without my mind starting to wander.

No matter which has occurred, be it both of the above or other recent developments, I am here, writing in this blog, because I have not been able to fall sleep as I usually do for the last two nights, which have coincided with my arrival to Salt Lake City. Instead of dozing off within minutes, I must wait hours before my consciousness begins to slip away. My thoughts are in a race that seemingly has no end- just an inevitable intermission that eclipses my night as if to get just the right amount of rest to begin the next day with a hint of melancholy.

Maybe my life just wouldn't be complete without a dash of wanting that which I cannot have. Perhaps I am simply too eager to lay what I have down on the table and roll the dice, just so that I can say that I tried.

Then again, I may just have to have that one bit of uncertainty in my life. That one spark that makes every moment worth living, if only to find out what the next entails.

And maybe I just have a chronic case of ADD for the things that matter most.

This was supposed to be another post about girls and music. Then again, in some way, every one of these posts is. Inevitable.